Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The avoidance of narcissism

Reflection, Quick Graphite Sketch... I gave a speech today. I dont like public speaking...not one bit. In seminary, I took all the classes but the preaching classes. I love teaching; I can lead a pastel demonstration for hours and actually get energy from "speaking while doing." But at a podium with a microphone? No thank you. I'll do it, I'll try my best, but I don't like it. Who does like public speaking anyway? Oh right, my HUSBAND, who happens to be really great at it. And there he sat, listening to my speech. He said I did well, but all day I've thought about it and made a mental fuss over all the things I wish I'd done better, things I meant to say. Then it hit me: its ok. It was a short 20 minutes in the lives of a few people, and it's not a big deal. I'm the only one even thinking about it anymore. Then the word "narcissism" drifted into my mind, and my great desire to avoid it. I let go of my speech-obsessing and realized the insignificance of a GOOD way. I know I can make a difference and my life matters...really, I mean it. But when it comes down to me eating pancakes for breakfast, if my toenails are painted, what I wore yesterday, or what I said in my little preschool welcome speech? Not a big deal. And to obsess over it is a shallow narcissism. Life is rich...spend time focusing on what matters...

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